Shugo Chara

I believe everyone secretly wishes to be a certain kind of person...

For example, if you are a shy person, you might wished that you're an extroverted person who can easily approach anyone you wish to talk to. Who really feels comfortable when you look into other people's eyes. Who doesn't feel tense at all in a room filled with classmates you're meeting for the 1st time.

Or maybe you are someone bad at body coordination and can't dance. Have never danced. And as you grow up, have grown to feel awkward, nervous, even phobic when it comes to dancing or moving your body. Though secretly, you'll wished that you could dance as if no one is watching. Swing your arms and turn around, let your clothes be caught by the wind, making tiny ripples on their surface. Smile at the sky as you do so.

Or perhaps you always wear boring clothes. Dull colors, avoiding contrasting combinations. Stuffs that fits in with the crowd. You feel uneasy if you dress too well cos u feel you're attraction attention. Yet even so, you'd often look at how others dress. The bags they carry, their footwear, hairstyles, the way people move, their expressions and whether they compliment each other to create a certain image.
How do they feel so at ease even when they must realise that others will look at them?
Would you wish to be like them?
Yes and no?
Or..?

Just how secret would this secret be?
Maybe you'd only let ur bestest fren know of your secret wish...
Maybe you will only think about it to yourself and no one else knows.
Or maybe you don't even dare to think about it. Telling yourself that it's impossible as soon as the thought arises in ur mind...

Whatever it is, it's there...
What will you do about them?
These, secret desires.

Volcano with Loop Station.

People are selfish.

People are selfish. This is what i have concluded. I am not an exception. Even the kind ones. Not necessarily selfishness in the usual, conventional sense that most ppl have an idea of perhaps. But nevertheless, selfish.

Think of those who care and show concern for others. When an old lady falls down, and a boy sees it and feels for her. He sees it, then he feels the sadness. And perhaps this is followed by some physical sensation: In his within his chest, he feel a curious sense of soreness. So he reaches out his hand and tries to help the old lady.

Is this compassion? Kindness? Well it is, depending on how you see it.

But i feel that all these kindness are sorta reactionary. Like, this kind act is carried out to to fulfill a certain private desire. The desire, the urge, to quell the sore sensation that manifests within the boy's body when he sees the old lady falling down.

What we detect causes an internal reaction in our mind and body. Then this reaction (or sensation) produces an urge (or desire) to help someone. Ultimately the process ends with the physical action of actually helping that person.
What is the cause of this process?

It might have been social conditioning. Or a genetic program we're born with. But whatever it's cause, it can never considered as total selflessness. No matter what our goals are. No matter now holy, or good it is. It is always selfish. For the self. To make ourself feel better.

What do we want to feel?
Being high up on the corporate ladder: ---to feel successful.
Be rich: ---to experience life's comfort and luxury.
To love someone and care for them: ---to not be alone, to feel your own existence as you interact.
Helping people: ---to feel good about oneself, to be experience less uneasiness when you see less suffering around you, to be accepted by following the social norms of helping people.

Consider Gandhi and Mother Theresa. Yes, they were great people. And yes, then have definitely helped many people. One cannot deny of the great things they have done. Nevertheless, it is carried out to fulfill their own desires. a desire to help their people, yes. But desires, nevertheless, of their own.