Sleeping

Maybe tonight, I'll get lucky and die quietly in my sleep...

Disconnected

When I head to work, I feel reluctance to go office. On the way there, I just try to block off the emotion regarding my destination, and put 1 step in front of another on the journey there.

I don't feel engaged to the world around me. I drag myself through life because otherwise, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I don't feel well...

No idea

Dear blog, I'm on the MRT to office after a voluntary break from work for 2 weeks. I'm late.
In fact, the break was longer, and I'd have like it to be muchhhh longer.
I have no idea wtf I should be doing right now.
Reality always has the means to break in no matter how I try to wall off the rest of the world.
I'm on a job I don't enjoy, of which the primary reason for joining it no longer exist.
But with no idea of an alternative option, I hold on to this job, hoping that the answer will come to me in time.

Life is not enjoyable, but I try to exist on.

Unwell

I been waking up feeling like crap.
It's been so many weeks since we stopped contacting each other and that didn't help.
Whatever it was supposed to be helping, I have no idea.
This morning was especially bad...
I couldn't sleep well, and I woke up wishing I could've disappear.
I cannot see the future, nor do I look forward to it.
There is nothing to look forward to.
What I desire, I do not know how to attain.
Feeling like giving up but not wanting to let go.

That aching feeling is back.
I laid in bed, awake, not wanting to get up.
Imagining ways to disappear.
I don't wish for death.
I wish for non-existence.

A candle exists to be lighted.
The best thing it can do is to burn itself out, casting as much light as possible sarificing itself

Some ppl are like candles.

Some have the chance to be lighted till the end.
Some maybe 1/2 way.
And some never get lighted.

Reflection in my eyes

The reflection of you in my eyes won't change.
If you run away, you might never see me again.
You can only choose to accept it, or have nothing at all.

Wondered

I wondered if, in the future, when I don't wish to take your call, would you have thought back to the past moments?
Of the many times I wanted to talk but you were somehow not in the mood; busy; inconvenienced; etc, to chat?

And of that single time you actually even gave me a long-distance call, but I refused to pick up?



Sometimes, by the time you're ready, you no longer have the opportunity to do so.