Does it matter?

Does it matter?
Does it matter that I'm here?
Does it matter whatever I do?
Does it matter how I feel for you?
Does it matter that you know how I feel?
Does it matter if I try?
Am I even a problem to you?
I wished I am.
How I envy others who are.

I'm so near but so far.
The transparent wall so thin, so clear,
so unyielding and true.
I am a bystander; an audience.
Privileged to see it all, cursed to only see it all.
My privilege is my curse.
I embrace it so,
Along with the frustration and helplessness.

Does it matter if I cross the wall?
Does it matter that I try to?
Does it matter if I succeed?
What if it doesn't?
That thought alone depresses me,
let alone a million others.

I blame myself.
I question the depth of my feelings for you.
Why can't I do it if I really like you so much.
Perhaps I don't?
Perhaps I could never like anyone enough try harder.
Why can't I try harder?

Does it matter?
Do I matter..?