Sometimes love just ain't enough ~ by Patty Smyth and Don Henley.

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Money

Money can buy everything.
It's true, even if some people beg to differ.
Some argue that the non-material things cannot be bought;
things like family ties, friendship, love, kindness, intelligence, character.
I'm telling you they CAN be bought, though sometimes not directly.
The trick is to know how to buy it.

Family
Some family experienced tension b/w family members over financial difficulties.
It creates frustration and might lead to members blaming each other for not doing more to help out.
Wives have left husbands when times get hard.
Kids have blamed parents for dire living conditions and less-than-desired quality of life.
Lacking money strains family ties.

Having money allows a family to facilitate family bonding. A summer camp, a getaway to the beach, weekend visitations of extended families... etc.

Love
Love is a result of attraction.
Attraction arises from, well, being attracted to certain qualities that a person possess.
Qualities like intelligence, humor, rapport...etc.

Intelligence an be cultivated.
If u are rich, u can take a uni course, or lessons on various subjects or sports, hobbies, skills, crafts.

Humor an be easily attained.
Having wealth makes u relaxed because there is a sense of security.
There is no need to feel hostile against the world because u don't feel that u are competing against anyone for opportunities.
Money naturally opens up opportunities for u.

Being wealthy makes it easier to be kinder.
When u are rich, it doesn't hurt to give a 0.0001% to charity, or perform random acts of kindness.
Being kind makes u feel good, and also makes u likeable.
You make friends easier for your easygoing character.
Now u can be interesting and likeable.

Being rich also facilitates romance.
If u're having a LDR, u can fly over to visit ur gf every weekend.
U can take her on a surprise holiday to some romantic spot.
You can buy the things she likes, take photos that she love with your insanely expensive camera and send it to her, play the game the play, get a good web cam and web chat her.
You don't have to be restricted by rising petrol costs, the screwed up economy.
You can provide her a good lifestyle, a good experience.

Women are materialistic despite some saying otherwise.
Those that choose poverty are fools.

Another tough day for me.
I'm starting to recover and feel better about A.
ws a lil with her before she went to bed and sent her a pic of the morning sky I took on phone.
A beautiful sky with a hint of possible rain in the background.
And it was right, it's raining now.
Just like how I'm feeling.

I haven't been checking on her FB page for a couple of days.
But I did it right after our ws chat to check out how the drawing of her tattoo turns out.
I discovers more than I expected.
She's in a relationship with A.
ONLY FUCKING 10 days together!!!!
WOW FML.
DOUBLE FML TRIPLE FML INFINITY FML!!!!!!!!!
Is every fricking girl I like like that!????

I lost my mood to do anything now.
I wishing I didn't exist.
Being a human is so tough.
Loving is so horrible...
Every forest and plant should wither and die.
Cos that's how the world should be; horrible.
We are in hell.
All gd things will end in sadness and all bad things gets worse.
Welcome to Earth, newborns.
Welcome to sufferings.

Dated A

Today she caused in me, a maelstrom of emotions again.
I'm not even sure what to feel, or what I'm feeling now.
I'm starting to see the possibility of shutting her out completely once again.
But I don't know if I can this time.
It's different this time.
I really like her a lot.
But thinking anything about her hurts me now.
So I try to think a little each time I do, so that the hurt doesn't overwhelm me.
Many times, I think a little too much and it makes me sad anyway.

I'll stay.
It's not like i can help it.
I'm getting too familiar with that aching sensation underneath my chest...
Fuck My Life.

Untitled

.

Everyday seemed an eternity waiting for your message
I jump at every sound from the phone, every pop-up on the screen.

But you have a life now, and I feel so far away.

I wonder what you are doing at every moment.

Imagining who you're spending time with, and how happy you must be in their company.

Being so happy, that maybe you are starting to forget me.

I'm sure you'll do fine, maybe better, without me.

Imagination is cruel, especially so on the weekends.

It teases and taunts, suggesting the worst of what I fear.

I like you so much, that I dare not think of you now.

It hurts to miss you.

When I think of hugging you, I can't help but think that maybe, 

you're being hugged by someone else.

When I think of being with you, I can't help but think that maybe, 

you're with that someone else.

What should I think of then?

I'm not sure now.

Missing you, yet trying not to think of you.

What else can I hold on to if I don't hold on to this feeling for you?

I will fall apart if I let go, reverting back to my monotonous empty self, 
leading my meaningless daily life.

It hurts to hold on. 

It hurts not to.

Intouchables

Watching this movie on com right now.
Thinks that it's a great movie 3/4 into the show
but realizes at the same time that I'm watching it alone.

Nothing feels truly fun when I'm doing things alone...
Still a nice movie.
I'll finish it...

Does it matter?

Does it matter?
Does it matter that I'm here?
Does it matter whatever I do?
Does it matter how I feel for you?
Does it matter that you know how I feel?
Does it matter if I try?
Am I even a problem to you?
I wished I am.
How I envy others who are.

I'm so near but so far.
The transparent wall so thin, so clear,
so unyielding and true.
I am a bystander; an audience.
Privileged to see it all, cursed to only see it all.
My privilege is my curse.
I embrace it so,
Along with the frustration and helplessness.

Does it matter if I cross the wall?
Does it matter that I try to?
Does it matter if I succeed?
What if it doesn't?
That thought alone depresses me,
let alone a million others.

I blame myself.
I question the depth of my feelings for you.
Why can't I do it if I really like you so much.
Perhaps I don't?
Perhaps I could never like anyone enough try harder.
Why can't I try harder?

Does it matter?
Do I matter..?

It's easy to forget how the wind feels like~

								(Convo at 15/8/2012 9:47:11 PM) it's so easy to forget how the wind feels like when u've stayed at home too long.
								yes o:
								the ones that blow from the fan is differnt from the ones that u feel while walking outside.
								maybe they're both the same.
								dandan had deep thoughts while walking to buy trea
								/god
								maybe it's being outside that makes it feel different.
								yush lol
								i always have deep thoughs while walking
								thoughts*
								mac*
								pr0
								only problem is i dun like writing things down usually.
								lol
								but u can say em here and keep msn history
								/+.+
								but yush i agree
								keeping a drop of tear in the sea, is no different from losing it.
								words within a sea of words lol

Weary

I don't really do anything. Weary.
No work, no rest, no end...
Lacking energy, motivation, discipline, confidence...
I don't want to stay still, I don't want to move.

Fears

I realized I have a lot of fears. Of not being able to handle the responsibility. Of worst case scenarios that might happen that will be beyond my capability to handle. Of the unknown situations that might be presented to me if I venture beyond familiarity. Of how people around me might see me. Of getting the attention of others if I make myself too conspicuous. Of bumping into familiar faces when I am outside. Of the many things that have not happened, might never happen...

I wonder if misa will reply me... 

Quote

Masa: "That composure...
I'd like to smile like you do."

Yaichi: "If you try, you'll find there's nothing stopping you."

~ Anime: House of Five Leaves (Episode 1)

Once in a while I'll think of Aaron. I hope I can meet him again somehow and see how he's getting on.

1 way to be problem free and be able to sleep well without worrying about stuffs you have to do, should do, is to finish them all.

System

The world is like a car. When i say world, I mean everything that exists; physically, non-physically.

It is made up of systems. systems like the law of physics. System like things are constantly recycled and don't really disappear. Things gets destroyed and recreated, reformed. Energies gets transferred. Systems like the life cycle, the water cycle, the plants revolving around the star, the solar system around the galaxy, the galaxy expanding outward in the universe... Systems like genetic codings governing behaviors. Systems like everything naturally striving toward a balance like ying-yang, atoms always trying to reach a more stable state. There are many systems in this world. They are all inter connected and affect/influence one another. They make up the world. The world itself is one giant system encompassing all other systems.

The world is like a car. All the different systems are like different parts of the car. They perform their own function, yet affect one another. When you put them all together, you get the car. The car is one big machine consisting of many little other machines working together.

But while we know the purpose behind the existence a car; which is to function as a form of transportation. We do not know the purpose why the world exist. The human life we live is but only 1 of the many systems in this world. We all are so occupied with trying to carry out what is in our nature, that we do not really consider the purpose behind it, or that if there is any point at all.

No one knows the purpose for the existence of this world. We just live in it by default. So we react according to it. To our human desires, our human nature. What we strive to achieve are to feed our egocentric desires. We live, till we die. That's it.

White Panic

That sense of panic that overwhelms you, even though everything around you is completely calm and peaceful. Most people probably won't understand how that's like, until you're going to die.

You know that you're going to pass away, and there is nothing you can do to stop it or delay it any longer. The sheets are white. The rooms is clean. Your loved ones are by your bedside. They're with you.

The weather is perfect. A shady day aided by the presence of a layer of clouds. You lie on the bed, feeling weak. You can actually feel your strength seeping away, trickling off bit by bit. You are going somewhere. Where? You are not sure. Everyone is here with you, but they can't accompany you into the great unknown. When that darkness devours you, you will be making the journey alone into the great infinity.

You grabbed on to someone's arm. She returns your need by holding your hand. But the panic persists! Like a silent thunder, like a white noise that drowns out your sanity. There is only panic... There is nothing to stop it...

I have experienced a similar panic. Not on my deathbed, for I am still young. But I have experienced that kind of panic, when everything around me is peaceful and quiet. As if this entire peacefulness is totally wrong, and this panics me because it is everywhere. Inescapable. Like the space I exist in, and the air I breathe. It has long penetrated my entire being and everything I'm connected to. And yes! A sense of hopelessness. Because you feel that there is nothing you can do about it. It is there.... It has no form. It is nothing, and everything. It cannot be seen, only experienced.

Value

Everything has a value attached to it.
Value, in general, can have a material or non-material form.

Mental value.
Spiritual value.
Time value.
Effort value.
Feelings.
Monetary value.

Some people weight their gain and loss, and make their decision by weighing the ones we more commonly hold in importance in Sim City country:
Money, Time, Effort, Feelings.

Sometimes, when a person suddenly abandons material wealth for something lesser.
He is not necessarily sustaining a net loss.
He is probably opting for non-material gains that exceeds whatever material loss he bears.

I live in Sim City!!

The road is so clean.
The yellow and white traffic lines painted in even thickness in straight lines in the even road.
There are no trash on the roads.
Every element is where they should be.

It's evening.
People are starting to get off from work.
A mum asked her son what he had for lunch today and the son said "seaweed, rice, and noodles".
"Wow so much." was the mum's expected response, somewhat lacking in real surprise.

The scene of a perfect society.

Am I the only one cursed with reality while others are blessed with delusions?
Or was it the other way round.

Devices: Mind Manipulation

There's another different idea,
on how to trigger pp's thoughts

Or rather make them think of certain things
No name for it.
And this method is rather random.
It's like setting a device to activate in the future when you're not around.

E.g. taking someone's cellphone and saving a msg on it.
Maybe months later,
the person's mail becomes full and he decided to delete it.
And he looks for stuffs to delete and accidentally saw the msg you left.

Or it can be something you jus scribbled on a certain page of the person's book.
When he reads it he sees it.

Or that you buy the person's fav drink, and drinks
and keep them in ur home.
Maybe one day, the person might come over for some reason
and note that you have stuffs he likes as well.

As i said, it depends on luck as well.

If the future does not take the path where you have planned the device
then the device might never be discovered or activated
And it'll be wasted effort.

Cookie: Mind Manipulation

Lets say you saw alot of stuffs here...

But what caught ur attention most, is the empty space in the middle.
No one mention about the empty space.
All they talk about are the things around it.

Sometimes tha's how you make people think what you want them to think.
You talk about the oven you have at home, and how ur mom used to cook chicken from it..

You talk about how you love milk, especially cold from the fridge.
And you have empty container jars in ur kitchen

And a small container of colored sprinkle candies on the shelf.
And choco chips too.

Eventually, they're gonna think about:


Cookies...

Poem: Present

Even a split second back falls into the past.
Even a moment after belongs to the future.
The present is just a pinprick of time in between
That probably doesn't exist.